Sunday, 6 November 2016

London Transport

On the 14th July 1956 at about 15.42 an historic accord was signed between the London Boroughs and London Transport.  The Transport Integration Technical Scheme (TITS for short) was conceived to cater to the needs of the London commuter by bringing the latest in planning and advancements in technology to the transport solution for London.  Over the years supplementary appendices have been added to include the General Post Office, British Gas, British Telecom and their respective successors among others.  Occasionally local retailers and business are also brought into the TITS plan as the transport experience evolves.  For this blog I will be focussing on the Driver Training for the infamous busses and giving a perspective from the point of view of the humble commuter, remembering that this experience has been carefully crafted and originates from the 1956 TITS accord.

Leaving, as I usually do, at around 06.00, I make my way some 200 metres to the appointed bus stop and await the arrival of my bus, first having seen one drive by as I walk along my street.  At the bus stop the first thing to note is that there is a helpful timetable which gives misleading information as to when to expect the busses to arrive.  There is usually a window of time between which you can normally not expect the bus to arrive.  Some bus shelters have electronic signs which are updated real time with misleading timings and bus numbers, mainly to give hope to the commuter as they wait.

At my bus stop I note the fruitless nature of the no smoking sign appended to the bus shelter as the man adjacent to the edge of the open shelter and upwind is shortening his life.  When the bus arrives you need to try and outwit the driver, who has been thoroughly trained, into stopping at the bus stop, or at least within a metre of the pole with the sign on it.  The best way I have found of getting the bus to stop is to team up with the other commuters and get them to stand at least 2 metres from the post, that way the bus driver feels safe to pull up next to it.  Then it is open season as all converge to the front door.  The driver is obliged to pause and open the middle doors first, regardless of whether or not anyone wishes to dismount, this is to allow the cold and damp air to refresh those customers sat on the lower deck of the bus.  After pausing to allow the commuters to retrieve their travel cards, he then opens the door (maybe after 3 seconds or so).  This pause to allow commuters to find their cards is, of course, completely pointless.  Commuters realise that the TITS agreement places certain obligations on them, including only retrieving the said travel card once they have fumbled through bags and pockets.  In the meantime the bus driver waves his hand in a horizontal motion to encourage the commuters to board speedily.  Despite the normal signage that customers must not engage the driver in conversation whilst the bus is in motion, few realise that this in fact applies at all times.  Drivers are not allowed to return or initiate the normal salutations that one would expect between client and provider.

Once the last passenger is aboard, but before they are seated, the bus driver is required to sharply pull out, swerve and brake hard in order to test the steering and braking systems of the bus.  This happens after every stop.  Regular passengers are by now aware of this requirement but some unsuspecting tourists often get caught out and utter the odd expletive in their respective mother tongues.  Drivers are highly trained staff and are diligent at observing the required obligations detailed in the TITS agreement and subsequent amendments.

When approaching traffic lights drivers are required to accelerate hard and then brake, alternating at least 3 times when there is no traffic in front or up to 5 times if their is a vehicle within 30 metres in front or behind.  The reason for this is twofold, firstly it is to test the systems of the bus and also due to the unpredictable nature of the traffic lights.  The issue with the traffic lights is not, as one might expect the timing of light changes but is in fact the uncertainty of their location and whether or not they will move in time and space by upwards of 5 metres.  Drivers are so highly trained that they often operate in another dimension, which goes a long way to explaining why they do not speak.  Any speech would materialise around 10 minutes after the words were spoken, so pointless really.

Arriving at the bus stop is a carefully timed event and has taken many years and hours of co-ordination to perfect.  In my case the bus stops conveniently near to a Tube station, but as you can expect this is where the TITS accord shines.  The agreements with the local authorities and utility companies ensure that stops that are co-located with tube stations are festooned with bins, electrical cabinets, advertising boards and other impediments which has the desired effect of channelling the desperate commuters over an assault course of obstacles in their bid to get the Tube station.  The experience is further enhanced by the ability of the driver to align the obstacles (in my case a double sized recycling dustbin) with the middle doors of the bus.  If they are particularly accurate they leave an ankle breaking gap between the kerb and the bus to add further challenge to the process.

The rush to the Tube is a forlorn affair and, despite the static and inevitable nature of ticket barriers, a remarkable number of commuters feel the need to play hide and seek with their tickets.  The odd one or 20 are carrying child tickets and a few others tailgate fare paying customers to get through the barriers.  It is all in vain, the tube is tantalisingly at the platform only long enough for you to get the faintest hope of catching it before it departs.  Some enterprising commuters launch themselves, as if Olympic diving champions, at the waiting train as they seem to enjoy the experience of what it feels like to be in a machine press.  After several repeat stampings by the closing doors the train pulls out.

An so begins the Tube ride to work, a story for another time.