During the Summer we noticed that there seemed to be quite a few wasps around our garden and although they did not pose a problem as such it was a concern. Towards the end of the Summer I noticed that there seemed to be a bit of a swarm above our bedroom window, the nest, it would appear, was between our roof and the insulation in the loft. At the time An and I were lying on the lawn looking up and we decided that the weather would soon bring a frost and that they did not seem to be doing any harm. That was to change.
As the weather got colder the wasps started to find a way into our house, which at first was not so obvious. We would regularly come home from work and find the odd one gazing, longingly out of the window. We eventually found out that they were coming through the light fitting in our bedroom. If you have ever seen The abominable Dr Phibes you can understand my slight concerns with them getting into our room at night. Enough was enough, An called the fire brigade.
In the UK you can call the local council or a pest control company and they will sort out your problem, but here in Belgium it is the fire brigade that sort out wasps. In fact the sister-in-law has called them out no less than 7 times, I think there is a pattern developing here...
Now before you get excited the fire brigade does not turn up en masse, no, they make an appointment and two of them (in our case) turn up with a flat bed truck, a ladder and some chemical spray in a dispenser. The two who showed up in our case were like chalk n' cheese, one had a face only a mother could love and the other, who was about 12, looked like he could have been a stripper part time. I was out when they eventually arrived leaving An to show them to our bedroom! They got right to work and I caught them after they had finished. It was awkward, I mean what do you say to a couple of firemen who walk out of your bedroom as you get home? All innocent I assure you! Anyway they sprayed a few of the wasps and the idea was that they would infect the rest when they went back into the nest and they should all die off in about 4 days. They also assured us that they would not have damaged the insulation or the roof and that they will not return the following year.
Roll on two weeks and we had no less than 20 or so wasps coming though the light fitting in dribs and drabs, in fact after the visit there were about 5 or so on day one. The poison was working but I was not keen that they were potentially falling onto my head as they escaped from Agent Orange.
This morning at around 6am I woke almost instantly to the feeling of something landing on my chest and rolling down my t-shirt. Faster than any Ninja and realising the possibility that a somewhat drowsy wasp was potentially about to attack my tits, I sprang up lifting my top and backing away from the area of the bed near the pillow. Now at this point I was not sure if I was imagining it but it was too late for that, An remained in slumber as I did what any sensible person would do and I switched on the bedside lamp, this was a mistake but then a blessing. The wasp saw the light and, forgive the pun, made a beeline for it! Now the thing had some energy from the warmth of the light as he began to play pinball in the lampshade. An was now rousing from her sleep as I alerted her to our intruder.
The wasp in the meantime was now quite active having had the equivalent of a defibrillator activated against its hairy ass. It flew out of the lampshade and smacked into the wall dropping behind the headboard. An helpfully said 'well, what now?' I was actually relieved as the chances of the wasp getting up of the floor were quite slim judging by the previous victims we had seen. That was not good enough though, we could not let this rest. We started to move the bed but on doing so to our horror we noticed the amount of dust that had gathered there and that the wasp was somewhat overwhelmed by it. Making a mental note to hoover at some point soon, I realised that I would require the arms of an orangutan in order to get to the wasp and kill it. Not having an orangutan handy I had to think of something and quick before he made a bid for freedom. At this point he went for it and got under the skirting board, to the protest and despair of An. It was not to last. I grabbed a towel and by that time he had come back out, presumably not finding the cramped conditions to his liking. I dropped the towel onto him and dragged it to the side of the bed, An then did the deed and killed him. Now we were awake at 6 am on a Sunday morning, bloody marvellous!
I managed, much to the annoyance of An, to get back to sleep. I drempt of being based in a WWII airfield that was being bombed, I had to man my anti-aircraft gun with my crew and I had difficulty finding them in the dark. An did eventually get to sleep and she drempt about giant wasps chewing their way through the brickwork!!!!!!! Make of that what you will.
Anyway just remember if you need to get rid of wasps then call the fire brigade, they cost about 28 euros and will come back out if they don't manage to get them the first time round. So as well as getting rid of the wasps you can get a free show too!
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