The subject to which I am referring is mandatory physical training (PT) that is held every Tuesday morning between 08.30 - 09.30. The session is led by a fully qualified and trained gorilla who is fully versed on how to drive the last vestiges of energy from your body and to ensure that muscles , which only ever get called upon in such sessions, are strained to the point of exhaustion and take upwards of a week to recover. The Geneva convention prevents the signatories from inflicting such treatment upon captives. It is almost like we are prisoners with the psychological gun against our head, and we endure it too. Mutinies have begun over lesser pain and grief. Am I overdoing it? Well there is always a bit of exaggeration but I am being deadly serious when I say that on most occasions I cannot physically lift a cup of tea to my lips, so tired are my arms.
Normally the session begins with the dread of not knowing which particular gorilla is running the session, we more commonly call the gorilla Clubs, in reference to Club Swinger. The Royal Navy PT branch has two crossed clubs as it's emblem, presumably from days when they used to do displays and before we moved to more technically advanced items of equipment such as the kettle bell (a cannon ball with a handle)! Other popular names are 'tit swinger' and 'muscle bosun', for obvious reasons. Some gorillas are more preferable than others but they are all experts at inflicting discomfort, only some do so in a polite if deceptively cunning way. Usually Clubs has set out the gym with their instruments of torture and this generates disquiet among the victims whilst we wonder what we will be asked (told) to do and how long it will last. Sometimes the equipment causes intrigue and sometimes we are completely wrong in anticipating the pleasure that will follow. For some it is obvious, I mean what else can you do with a large tractor tyre other than roll it end on end?
There are in essence two types of circuit, the first is one where there is a set time for each exercise and the other is where there is a given number of repetitions that must be achieved. I prefer the former as that means I can go all out and it does not matter how fit or unfit you are you can get maximum benefit from the workout. If you have a set number the fit people are finished well before the not so fit and the not so fit do not get a chance to recover before moving on to the next element of the torture.
The circuits start off and end with a warm up, which is almost a pleasurable experience. The gorilla offers motivational encouragement which is unintelligible to most but has somehow been indoctrinated into those of us who have endured this over the years. Before we engage in the main activity we are briefed as to the number of exercises, repetitions, time frames, whether we are acting alone or in pairs, how many times through the entire circuit, whether we have any injuries or missing limbs and finally if we have any last wishes (questions). Once ready the music is turned on and you usually begin and change exercise to the whistle blow of the tormentor. During the circuit the evil one is heard to berate the victims as a whole, but, in this world where bullying is frowned upon, rarely does the individual get a good blast. We hang on his every whistle blow as we fight our way through the circuit, more than most probably think he has forgotten the time or is in a bad mood as he prolongs the pain. I think for the most part this is all in our heads but then club swingers are not known for their mathematical genius or ability to read. In my case a pool of sweat often develops around the area where my head comes into contact with the mat or indeed the area over which my sagging head hangs over the mat. Some people do cruise but if this comes to the attention of the tormentor, then they just add to the agony as they let the time run or think up an impromptu additional exercise that seems 'fun'.
The circuits usually finish with a decent warm down and stretching exercise, which I am sure helps but still does little to prevent the cramps and stiffness over the following days. Maybe it is just me getting old? Apart from the health benefits, about which I am somewhat skeptical, the greatest benefit is that it takes you out of the office and away from the pressures of the job if only for an hour. Once you are engaged in PT, the priorities shift to very simple physical endurance and survival instincts and you share a common enemy for a while, which gives the team a sense of purpose and belonging. In the military you face lots of trials and experiences together, which separate you out from others and generates an understanding and sense of ritual.
I value the concept but I hate circuits!
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